Superhero Dilemma

A red hot Persian goddess, just dropped by, IN A TWO-PIECE, and asked me if I had any wishes and all.
Turns out genies don't grant wishes involving sex and them.
So, I had to choose the 2nd option on my Wishlist.
TO BE A SUPERHERO.
Now the hard part was selecting WHICH superhero.
I mean seriously, think about it, if you put together marvel and DC, you will have more superheros than the Hindus have gods(considering gods are not superheros, otherwise you will have more superheros than normal humans who are yet to be exposed to mutated spiders, gamma rays, bats, radiation, vampires, werewolves, Arc reactors, the mutated male chromosome and finally chemical X. In a scenario like this, there will be no evil at first, however this temporary state of peace will make our superheros lazy and obese. Hence, Shaktiman is likely to be a victim of cardiac arrest(blame his Indian genes), Hulk will have to sit through chemo and superman will do a bumblebee on gravity. This will eventually restore the balance in the world, the american economy and Indian politics.

Now I would like to go back to the topic and the purpose of my post. Following are some of my favourite superheros of all times :

Spiderman: Yes, he has the best costume ever!. He has complete power over the world wide web(Pun Intended). And his girlfriend is a red-head.(Although, its a known fact that she colors her hair, however this only points towards her relative intelligence as against other blondes). But I do not appreciate the sticky hair growing out of his hands and feet. I mean its a design flaw. The creators should have considered facts like how he will never be able to participate in short-putt, basketball and Football. Also, I have a serious problem with the web stuff coming out of his hands. First, it looks like jizz and then I cant keep myself from thinking what happens when he jerks himself off.

Superman: Has anyone ever thought that Superman is not really a 'man', he is just a random alien in human form. Agreed he is invincible and all. BUT. In the end Kypronite is a piece of green rock. Period.

Wolverine: Not a huge fan of yellow, plus the same jerking off problem.

Iron Man: A billionaire, an engineering degree from MIT(Press Ctrl+W right now if you think it stands for Manipal Institute of Technology). You'll think he has it all. But, its not true, he only has his suit.

Hulk: Ok, I agree all the 'Go green' hypocrisy is in vogue these days, but i think Hulk takes it a little too far. He cant sit for anger management lessons, cant get excited and hence is incapable of copulating without ripping of the genitals of his partner. And, I love sex and my partner enough, to not become a big giant, painted green with an IQ of a 4 year old.

Batman: Respect. I love his style. Billionaire playboy in day, and ass-kicking vigilante at night. Hes got everything a man wants: Money, gadgets and access to 'no strings attatched' pussy. But, he does not get one thing that a real man wants. Sleep. Sorry dude. I will have to pass.

Shaktiman: Red and gold, you might just confuse him for Iron man. But he doesnt need any metal armor to protect himself. Hes much superior than all the superhero's mentioned above. However, he has a criminal case pending in court, charged with accusations of 'undue influence' for a young boys death. Pass.

Hanuman: His appendix is fully developed and He can make babies with his sweat. Period. You rock dude. :D

IT CAN BE SAFELY CONCLUDED THAT HANUMAN IS THE MOST AMAZING, THE BEST LOOKING AND THE MOST EVOLVED SUPERHERO(His primate-like looks are just another way of deceiving his enemies)

Genie, You still there?
Oh Genieeeeeeeee?
Hotness?
Is there anybody in there?
Just nod, if you can hear me?
Is there anybody home?(Talking to the lamp)