My suicide note

To all my 403 'friends'

I am pissed, i feel like a lamppost in a dog house and i want the 'social' police to blame you all for my untimely demise.
Do you assholes have any idea how it feels when none of my 'friends' 'like' 'whats on my mind'. Or when I am flooded with notifications, of miserable people posting posed pictures to live their 'happy' lie!. Or how I almost wish for a 'New Delhi chainsaw massacre' when i see you dumb-fucks putting up pictures with alcohol, cigarettes or dope!, for the Japanese gods sake, stop advertising your decimal intelligence quotient and for once in the holy words of audioslave 'Be yourself'. And all the people whose comments on 'such' pics resemble 'whooo...we verrr crazzzzzzyyy!!!' or 'mannn that is so killlaaa' or 'whaaattt a nyt!!..hahaha....crazzzzy shhiitt', I will haunt you all forever, I will sleep under your bed and sing himesh reshamiya songs, I will put Viagra in your office lunch and I will give your homosexual partner tonsils!.
I have had enough of owning virtual farms, pets and cafes.
I have had enough of people looking for ego-boosts by googling stupid quotes and putting them as their status
I have had enough of my friends 'picking me' 'comparing me' 'answering questions about me' and 'tagging me'.
I have had enough of being invited to random parties and groups like 'WHY GO to the zOo WheN yOu cAn sEe RakHi SaWaNt'.
I have had enough of being forced to know the current affairs of the non-existent life of people i have no intentions of being acquaintances with.

I decide against living a binary life.
I refuse to be a slave to Mark Zuckerburg.
So Fuck you all.
Fuck you with dog poop as lubricant, herpes and cum of a necrophile.
And I will hope you continue your miserable existence, and the grim gives you enough time to update 'Whats on your mind' before you end your virtual lie.


Yours in hatred.
Arpit Goels Facebook Profile

Superhero Dilemma

A red hot Persian goddess, just dropped by, IN A TWO-PIECE, and asked me if I had any wishes and all.
Turns out genies don't grant wishes involving sex and them.
So, I had to choose the 2nd option on my Wishlist.
TO BE A SUPERHERO.
Now the hard part was selecting WHICH superhero.
I mean seriously, think about it, if you put together marvel and DC, you will have more superheros than the Hindus have gods(considering gods are not superheros, otherwise you will have more superheros than normal humans who are yet to be exposed to mutated spiders, gamma rays, bats, radiation, vampires, werewolves, Arc reactors, the mutated male chromosome and finally chemical X. In a scenario like this, there will be no evil at first, however this temporary state of peace will make our superheros lazy and obese. Hence, Shaktiman is likely to be a victim of cardiac arrest(blame his Indian genes), Hulk will have to sit through chemo and superman will do a bumblebee on gravity. This will eventually restore the balance in the world, the american economy and Indian politics.

Now I would like to go back to the topic and the purpose of my post. Following are some of my favourite superheros of all times :

Spiderman: Yes, he has the best costume ever!. He has complete power over the world wide web(Pun Intended). And his girlfriend is a red-head.(Although, its a known fact that she colors her hair, however this only points towards her relative intelligence as against other blondes). But I do not appreciate the sticky hair growing out of his hands and feet. I mean its a design flaw. The creators should have considered facts like how he will never be able to participate in short-putt, basketball and Football. Also, I have a serious problem with the web stuff coming out of his hands. First, it looks like jizz and then I cant keep myself from thinking what happens when he jerks himself off.

Superman: Has anyone ever thought that Superman is not really a 'man', he is just a random alien in human form. Agreed he is invincible and all. BUT. In the end Kypronite is a piece of green rock. Period.

Wolverine: Not a huge fan of yellow, plus the same jerking off problem.

Iron Man: A billionaire, an engineering degree from MIT(Press Ctrl+W right now if you think it stands for Manipal Institute of Technology). You'll think he has it all. But, its not true, he only has his suit.

Hulk: Ok, I agree all the 'Go green' hypocrisy is in vogue these days, but i think Hulk takes it a little too far. He cant sit for anger management lessons, cant get excited and hence is incapable of copulating without ripping of the genitals of his partner. And, I love sex and my partner enough, to not become a big giant, painted green with an IQ of a 4 year old.

Batman: Respect. I love his style. Billionaire playboy in day, and ass-kicking vigilante at night. Hes got everything a man wants: Money, gadgets and access to 'no strings attatched' pussy. But, he does not get one thing that a real man wants. Sleep. Sorry dude. I will have to pass.

Shaktiman: Red and gold, you might just confuse him for Iron man. But he doesnt need any metal armor to protect himself. Hes much superior than all the superhero's mentioned above. However, he has a criminal case pending in court, charged with accusations of 'undue influence' for a young boys death. Pass.

Hanuman: His appendix is fully developed and He can make babies with his sweat. Period. You rock dude. :D

IT CAN BE SAFELY CONCLUDED THAT HANUMAN IS THE MOST AMAZING, THE BEST LOOKING AND THE MOST EVOLVED SUPERHERO(His primate-like looks are just another way of deceiving his enemies)

Genie, You still there?
Oh Genieeeeeeeee?
Hotness?
Is there anybody in there?
Just nod, if you can hear me?
Is there anybody home?(Talking to the lamp)

My Grandmother

My Grand-mother passed away, on 13 May 2010. She was 69 years old. And was suffering for a decade from Schizophrenia, Paranoia, and almost 100% deafness.

Schizophrenia is the inability of a person to distinguish reality from his/her thoughts and dreams.

I dont have any memories whatsoever of talking to her in good health, all i remember is how awesome her 'Moong ki dal' was, and how she could give Tarla Dalal serious competition when it came to cooking Indian food.

Like Khushwant Singh, I cant imagine my grandmother being young or being 'sane', to me she was sick and old her whole life.

The question her death raises in my mind is, can death be a good thing?

Her mental illness called for a series of sacrifices made by my grandfather, who is in perfect physical health and can give serious competition to any IIT'ian in solving algebra.

Also, because of her paranoia, only a certain number of people were allowed in her room, only her immediate family was privileged to witness the warmth and affection inside of her. And the others would often witness her wrath.

That said, even her daughter-in-law and her son-in-law were a victim of the paranoia, and their interaction with her was limited to the initial years of their respective marriages.

Thus, for all these reasons it was hard for my grandfather to remain socially active.

However, the flip side is that she did not even know she was sick.

She was happy with all the imaginary people in her head. Often when she was lying down,, her mind would tell her, shes in some family gathering, and she would laugh and sing, like the 'normal' grandmothers do.

She said, that all the 'dead people' have come back and she would spend the whole day with her dead daughter, just talking to her.

In her head, she was living a good life. A life of dreams, literally.

Disclaimer and Introduction.

Hello.

To all those who are bored and useless enough to follow an attempt of a more bored and a more useless being to communicate with his inner self while looking for the much needed ego boost through positive feedback.

That said, do not mistake 'the more bored and the more useless being' for a kid who is looking to be pseudo-intellectual and has realized that phony cynicism is the shortest and the most efficient way for achieving it.

Although i may have differed with the views posted here in my real life(To all those who don't know me personally, ignore these lines, unless of course you do not mind wasting the not so precious 15 seconds of your miserable life), do not judge me by them. Because I am not a hypocrite, not in the least sense of the word. Its just that I change with time, and so do my views, my choices and my morality.

I would like to add, that although my opening lines indicate otherwise, I would not mind negative feedback, if it has nothing to do with the way I write, my fluency with the language most credited for bringing in globalisation and doubts about my sanity.

Implying, I would not mind different views.(Unless of course you give me a 'vista' instead of a 'windows'.)

Oh.

And one more thing. The jokes in this post will resemble the sadness our lives bear, and if you dont understand them. Think. Think out of the box. Think outside your goddamn cubicle.

And I'm gonna do this once. Only because you dont know me yet. I will explain my attempt at humoring you and making my moral education teacher proud with "Making someone smile, everyday".

By "Unless of course you give me a 'vista' instead of a 'windows'", I am indicating to the failure of the Microsoft Vista as an operating system as against the success of its Windows predecessors.

And also referring to a philosophical observation, made by Nikolas Tesla(from Prestige, the movie) " Society tolerates only one change at a time".

And the blog is named rapit, for reasons unknown to mankind and since there has been not further success in the determinacy of Area 51, no alien help can be used. Hence, the name of the blog shall remain a mystery, atleast till the creatures of the outer world, do a christopher columbus on earth(I mean, who the hell will actually, go on a voyage to FIND earth!) .

With this, I end my Guantanamo on your mind, my Enrique Iglesias to your ears and my Rahul Mahajan to your eyes.

Au Revoir.(Till I see you again).